If I Ruled the World...!

An irregular series. The laws that I would pass if I were in charge.

The Caravan and associated irritants (disappearance of) Law 2006

It's spring now and, as all normal road-using folk know, this can mean only one thing. Any trip anywhere nice for the next six months will involve - at some point - a lengthy wait behind Mr & Mrs Throwback and their freakshow family driving at 10MPH under the speedlimit in a 15 year old Volvo towing an off-white hutch on wheels.

(Obviously sometimes this is replaced by Mr & Mrs Middle-Class with Jessica and Sebastian in a Black 4x4)

To bring some sanity back to Britains roadways I propose the following law.

(1) All caravans are banned from using the roads from 6am to 10pm.
(2) All caravan parks should be hidden from view from any public road, pathway or vantage point using natural materials (or high explosives)
(3) All caravans must be painted in a colour that matches their destination to enable them to blend in to the background
(4) Static caravan parks can only be developed away from areas of natural beauty or even natural mediocrity.
(5) Any caravan found breaching any of the above rules is fair game and the owners liable for a kicking.
(6) The phrase "caravan" is to replaced by the phrase "Wank-Shed-on-Wheels". (I.e. "Murial and I were thinking of taking the Wank-Shed-on-Wheels to the Cotswolds for the weekend.")

Thank you. I feel better for that.